1947 The Tay-Ste-Ice company comes out with a new product, Fla-Vor Snacks. Ellison's brain-child, Fla-Vor-Snacks are long, unsalted crackers, "frozen to perfection." Although the product fails, the idea continues today as Healthy Choice Frozen Entrees.

Kruschev

1949 Groundbreaking begins on "Tay-Ste-Ice Place," the dream-child of the aging Ellison. In Ellison's own words, "I want to make a magical place, where children can go and enjoy my treats, ride my rides, and use my restrooms." An estimated seven million dollars is spent advertising the upcoming theme park, with nearly five thousand more spent building it.

1950 The eagerly anticipated "Tay-Ste-Ice Place" finally opens to the public. The park, designed by Ellison's personally-trained crack team of illustrationists, is a shantique playhouse of the imagination and Tay-Ste-Ice products. The park consists of four overlapping lands, "Future Land," "Ellison Land," "Corn Syrup Land," and "Factory Land." The most popular and only ride is a large plastic tube into which children are inserted and frozen.

Wagon

1951 A class-action lawsuit is filed against Ellison by the parents of nearly twenty thousand frozen children. To the heartbroken parents, Ellison responds: "Technically, they're not dead, they are just near-dead, ready to be unfrozen in thirty or forty years - The Future!" After the lawsuit comes out in the parents' favor, Ellison goes into reclusion.

1955 Ellison begins to build a forty mile long tube to reach far out of the earth's atmosphere, in an attempt to use the natural near-absolute zero temperatures of space. At its highest, the tube reaches nearly seven and a half feet. "Once I reach the stars," Ellison confides in his fictional butler, who at the time was in front of his real one, "the entire Universe is my refigerator. It will be as if God himself is reaching down from the Heavens to remove the warmth from my blessed product, inhaling it in with one of his divine nostrils." He now runs his company entirely by scrawling notes onto empty Kleenex boxes, and having them collected by a servant to be passed on to the board of trustees. The instructions to his company are almost invariably "I need more Kleenex."

1957 Darcy Ellison dies. As per his instructions, his ashes are mixed into a special batch of "Fla-Vor-Death" ice pops. When no one buys them, they are remarketed as simply "Tay-Ste-Ice."

1958 The Tay-Ste-Ice company, eager to find a new president, realizes that there are no more Ellisons to lead the business. Instead, they hire a young Edgar Flarcy Smellison, hoping the vengeful spirits of Edgar Darcy Ellison and his grandson do not notice the difference.

1959 Smellison comes up with his first new product: Fla-Vor-Twins, two different flavors of Tay-Ste-Ice mixed into one package. Other Smellison products released that year include Fla-Vor Twine and Flavor-Flav. Fla-Vor Twine would eventually be remarketed as "Floss," while Flavor-Flav would be remarketed as Chuck D.

Father

1960 Tay-Ste-Ice tries to go after the adult market with Fla-Vor-Pits and Fla-Vor-Hol. Through a deal with the automobile industry, a free flask of Fla-Vor-Hol is given away with every new Chevy Corvair.

1961 In an attempt to save labor costs, Smellison releases Do-It-Yourself Tay-Ste-Ice. The product is merely a sack of unsorted fruit drinks and empty plastic pouches. It is eventually removed from the market after children injure themselves on the large number of hyphens in the product's name.

Also released this year are Fla-Vor-Milk, Fla-Vor-Chunks, FlaVo-Rice, Fla-Vor-Jerky, and Dog Shit.

All fail.



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Up Through The Mists of Time - The Wilthrop Saga - A Mature Product Steps Boldly into the Marketplace - Tay-Ste-Ice Goes To War! - Expanding A Dynasty, But at What Cost? - The Psychedelic Era Boldly Has the Product Step Into It - From Now Until Eternity? - The China Saga

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